diana vilibert

Love is Fickle

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:38:00 -0400

Last week perhaps, or maybe last month, you sat at your laptop, leg shaking nervously as you refresh refresh refreshed your email, waiting for a missive from a man you had decided you could probably love. It had been two hours since you emailed. You had to squint to see past your hangover. Too many drinks ordered, too many hours spent discussing the distance between point A (What He Said) and point B (What He Meant), and now the gap between the two sits heavy inside of you, pushing against your gallbladder. This will be the end of you—of this you are sure.

This morning you sit at your laptop, leg shaking nervously as you refresh refresh refresh your email. It’s been two hours since you emailed. Perhaps you should write again. Refresh refresh ref—1 new email. It is him, from last week or last month. You scan quickly. Something about a play or a book, or a play based on a book, or perhaps nothing at all to do with either. You email your mother: “I am in love.” You attach photos: the clawfoot bathtub, the french doors, large windows “perfect for sheer curtains,” you write. “I’m waiting for an email from the broker. Do you think I should write him again? It’s been two hours. This will be the end of me—of this I am sure.”

I was sent temporary boob tattoos to test out for a blog, so I...

Sun, 25 Jul 2010 10:00:00 -0400

I was sent temporary boob tattoos to test out for a blog, so I decided that lieu of sexting, I’d Myspace-angle that shit and send a photo to a couple of fellows! (WHO SAYS JOURNALISM IS DEAD? Alas, I messed up the “feeling”—it’s been about a decade and a half since I’ve applied a temporary tattoo).

So far the reaction has been mixed. Some approval, some “hahahahahhaa,” and this from my friend Andre:

“your expression is a bit eastern european refugee who has seen HORRORS BEYOND IMAGINING. If it weren’t for the cherries and cleavage one would feel compelled to donate to amnesty international”

OkCupid is on to you, you fucking liar.

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:58:16 -0400

On one of my first online dates, way back in the day when Nerve.com was a little lighter on the plaid, I arrived and immediately noticed something was off. Nine inches off, to be precise. My date had tacked on almost a whole foot to his purported height, and instead of being 5-foot-10 as he claimed, there he was, eye-level to all 5-foot-1 of me. When I called him out on it, he shrugged and mumbled a non-excuse but, to my surprise, didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.

I was appalled, naïvely: Was this the norm? Are people dishonest when it comes to online dating?

It is and they are, it turns out! And now OkCupid has confirmed my years of field research with cold, hard facts and stats, using a data pool of 1.51 million of their active users to shed some light on what we’re lying about and to what extent. What they found: Online daters are shorter, poorer, older and uglier than they claim to be. And not nearly as bisexual! Let’s dig deeper…

For my friends who like to make fun of me for being into old dudes. Yes, this is exactly what it's like.

Sun, 18 Jul 2010 22:31:25 -0400

For my friends who like to make fun of me for being into old dudes. Yes, this is exactly what it's like.

"My goal is to gloriously intrude into a reader’s life: make them brew coffee at midnight to..."

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 11:33:49 -0400

“My goal is to gloriously intrude into a reader’s life: make them brew coffee at midnight to devour the romp, make them neglect the next day’s responsibilities—late for work, kids whisked off with unruly cowlicks, speeding tickets, irate bosses, deadlines botched, all in the name of literature.”

- Joshua Mohr in The L Magazine

Today is my birthday, and I’m buying myself a...

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 08:51:54 -0400

Today is my birthday, and I’m buying myself a present.

I’ve narrowed it down to two options: either flying a plane, or jumping out of one. This is probably rife with symbolism.

Blogging and bubble-bathing. My birthday is coming up on...

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 01:46:00 -0400

Blogging and bubble-bathing.

My birthday is coming up on Tuesday. This is not an exciting occasion for me. I’ve spent the past week kicking my quarter-life crisis into high gear, doing a lot of this. Pictured: dark bathroom; bubble bath; candles; iPod dock. Not pictured: impending sense of doom; anxiety about Life and Decisions; Cat Power on repeat.

UPDATE: Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” came up next, and I only lingered for about seven seconds before turning it off. I think this means I’ll be okay.

Like magnetic fridge poetry, but with my books. And no fridge....

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 12:35:00 -0400

Like magnetic fridge poetry, but with my books. And no fridge. Or magnets. And too much time on my hands.

Manhattan, When I Was Young

Like life,

enormous changes at the last minute.

Don’t get too comfortable:

sex, sleep, eat, drink, dream, love & heartbreak, madness, naked bad behavior—

eating my words, before, during & after.

Seducing the demon, writing for my life,

sifting through the madness for the word, the line, the way,

and the heart says whatever.

Don’t know much about anything else.

"I try to think of the novel as a kind of garden, where I always notice slight flaws and areas that..."

Sat, 10 Jul 2010 16:06:44 -0400

“I try to think of the novel as a kind of garden, where I always notice slight flaws and areas that could be improved upon, but which I have to trust nevertheless grows more beautiful with the passage of time and continued attention.”

- Matthew Gallaway

Coming & Crying SNEAK PREVIEW, guys! (Thanks, A!)

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:17:00 -0400

Coming & Crying SNEAK PREVIEW, guys!

(Thanks, A!)

melissa: Coming & Crying Available September 2010 (Photo:...

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:20:45 -0400

melissa:

Coming & Crying
Available September 2010

(Photo: Nikola Tamindzic / Design: Jez Burrows)

third from the bottom: my name! ahhh!

We don’t have air conditioning in the apartment. I am...

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 02:38:00 -0400

We don’t have air conditioning in the apartment. I am going to sleep spooning my fan.

Expert Dating Tip

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 01:21:21 -0400

Do not tell a lady that she is “just like a dude, but with a vagina.”

This Expert Dating Tip brought to you by: my life.

"…I stand in the mist and cry, thinking of myself standing in the mist and crying, and..."

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:35:59 -0400

““…I stand in the mist and cry, thinking of myself standing in the mist and crying, and wondering if I will ever be able to use this experience in a book.””

- Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

Love in the Time of MySpace

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 12:12:56 -0400

Deleting old files from my laptop just now, I came upon BreakupBlogs.txt, which apparently was a mini diary of sorts that I kept after my first Big Breakup, about five years ago. I was 19! Practically a fetus! This one in particular made me LOL:

I imagine that breakups were a lot easier before the internet became a factor. Back then, it was actually possible to break up and never see the person again. Now, you break up and he’s suddenly everywhere. New pictures on Myspace, status updates on Facebook, old e-mails.

I hesitated to do this until today, but I’ve finally taken the important step of deleting him from my buddy list. After all, we’re not “buddies,” and I really don’t care to be updated 10 times a day of his blossoming social life now that he’s single. Now if only I could stop my fingers from compulsively typing in his name when I’m on Myspace.

Breaking up! It’s so different with the internet! How observant and wise of me!

Okay, done mocking my 19-year-old self. Also: MySpace! BUDDY LISTS!?

"It’s not possible to advise a young writer because every young writer is so different. You might..."

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 11:29:09 -0400

“It’s not possible to advise a young writer because every young writer is so different. You might say, “Read,” but a writer can read too much and be paralyzed. Or, “Don’t read, don’t think, just write,” and the result could be a mountain of drivel. If you’re going to be a writer you’ll probably take a lot of wrong turns and then one day just end up writing something you have to write, then getting it better and better just because you want it to be better, and even when you get old and think “There must be something else people do” you won’t quite be able to quit.”

- Alice Munro

I just had a tumblrgasm.

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:26:55 -0400

I just had a tumblrgasm.

Let's Talk About My Underwear

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:16:00 -0400

Today my life feels messy, so I’m cleaning. Throwing away stuff to make room for…well, I guess I’ll see.

I started with my underwear drawer—I used the term “drawer” loosely; since I’ve been in New York, my underwear drawer is actually a large plastic bin—a task that always takes too long because it’s so tied to some of my ~~fondest~~ drunkest memories. I separate it into piles:

1. the undergarments I buy in anticipation of getting laid
2. the undergarments I unfortunately end up wearing when I do get laid
a. could make it a few more rounds!
b. ~~throw out~~ designate for at-home-and-alone-only use
3. the undergarments to immediately dispose of/burn
4. the undergarments that should go into [3] but end up as [2a]
5. the undergarments that ultimately go into [3] but not before I consider holding on to them for when times get hard and I need to sell my panties on Craigslist*

* JUST KIDDING, MOM. No one does this. I just made it up.

I was going to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy and instead I...

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 20:24:39 -0400

I was going to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy and instead I watched Almie Rose’s Meredith Grey impression, and now Grey’s is pretty much ruined for me. Hilarious.

Shaming of Subway Creepster FAIL.

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:29:19 -0400

Subway Creepster: [series of compliments, propositions, and vaguely lewd hand gestures]
Me: You should practice not speaking directly to a woman's breasts when you're hitting on her. It's rude.
Subway Creepster: My mother neglected me as a child. Is that a good excuse?